Ive been waiting...
Waiting patiently. Waiting alone. Waiting for something perfect for me, not settling for something just "OK" until that perfect thing comes along.
Sometimes waiting is sad. Its lonely and cold. It makes you question you decision to wait. "Am I too picky, and I deserving of what I am really waiting for, Does it really exist??"
I have definately dodged a few bullets in my life getting "Stuck" with something completely less than what is perfect for me. Its funny how you can find yourself with a boyfriend exactly the opposite of everything you stand for or want. How you start defending their laziness, their anger, their inattentiveness. "They just have a stressful job, everyone is entitled to their emotions, he just likes spending time with friends.." excuses excuses.... More than once I have found myself at "What the fuck was I thinking?"
Never underestimate the power of the "Rose colored glasses." What you think you see and feel can just as easily be a complete and total false creation of a dream you want. That perfect little family in the perfect house, with lazy days at the park laughing, swinging, eating ice cream cones. Always "talking it out" never arguing or screaming. Never going to bed mad, but making love and falling asleep with a smile on your face. Never a harsh word said or a feeling hurt. Does it exist?
No... it doesnt.
All I can hope for is a semi flawed family in a cute lil house with peeling paint and a stain on the floor. Arguements that end in "Im sorry." Hugs and kisses after the fight. Going to bed mad but knowing I wont wake up alone. Trying our bestest not to be vicious or mean or hurtful, but in case we do make it better right away. Always forgiving, always apologizing, always returning to the point of selflessness, love and respect.
Remembering "Its us against the rest of all of them." Sticking together like glue even when you piss eachother off.
That would be perfect for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment